Forgiveness and Letting Go…

Forgiveness. The final fork-in-the-road decision where one must choose between love and hate. It’s when we can’t go forward, backwards, or up, until we choose left or right. Do we choose to forgive and let go of the hurt and sadness that’s consumed us? Or, do we choose to hold onto it, and never forgive? It is ultimately one of the biggest decisions we have in life, and if we choose wrong, it could haunt in the shadows and burden daily.

I was always one that held onto things for a while, until eventually the emotion came out with tears and I forgave. My mom thought it weird that I’d be crying over something from months before, rather than crying that very day the hurt first hit my chest. Call it strength, or call it weakness. Either way, I was able to let go of it, to truly deal with a life situation.

I truly feel my life is blessed, and that God has only given me challenges He knows I can take. That being said, it wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies growing up. With my parents at a constant disagreement, or rather a lack of understanding for each other, inevitably it led to their divorce. If I could say one thing about divorce if in any way to help educate others, it is this- divorce scars more than just the two that sign the parting papers. It hurts the children involved as well- they are losing half of their lives too.

It’s a very weird reality to live in. All of a sudden, Christmas is no longer the same white Christmas tree dressed in garland of red. Instead, it’s driving here and driving there. It’s a constant back and forth and I’ve felt like a yo-yo being played at the hand of divorce. I have moved on from my parents’ divorce. Both my parents have as well and are in new marriages. But, divorce really doesn’t go away, ever. I feel it’s a long battle on that road to forgiveness. No, I don’t want to start a “parent trap,” but I do miss that white Christmas tree.

Forgiveness is letting go so that we can move on with our own lives and not be pushed around by that word lurking in the shadows. For me, my word is divorce. To forgive my parents so that I can move on with my own life, trusting that someday I will have a successful marriage.

I can only hope that everyone else is able to move on faster towards forgiveness, sooner than later and choose love over hate every time. If forgiveness is something you just can’t do, then at least think about it. Come up with all sides of the situation and truly understand it. Work daily on trying to let go. You may not forget whatever the hurt is, but you will find a way to forgive so that you can live on. Find something important to you like for me it is writing, and find a healthy way to exercise forgiveness. Because one day, it will all blow away with the wind, leaving the shadows, and taking the heavy weight with. Forgiveness is freedom. And we have to work on it every day.

 

Spring into Inspiration

Dear readers,

It’s my favorite time of year. When the urge to spring clean consumes me, and early morning birds have come home to sing in the trees. It’s that time for refreshing, being grateful, and learning how to improve. Did I mention, it’s almost time for lilacs to bloom?!

It’s that familiar scent swirling around in the wind outside. Where cheerfully, I open the doors and welcome it in. Excitedly, gray-lilac I paint my toes, and rip off that heavy, extra blanket under the comforter. The sun, with its rise in appearance, unhurriedly, yet almost immediately melts away the leftover snow. Dripping of water droplets splash in puddles underneath cars and roofs and the stillness of gray clouds teases me in hopes for rain. Spring is coming!

My body springs into inspiration. It’s been two years since my blog has been created, but many years I’ve been writing. Two years ago, I was finishing up my senior year in college. I completed my major and was taking writing classes because it’s something I highly enjoy doing. It was then I created my blog and wrote my novel, The Fourth Charm, publishing it in April. And recently, republishing it again. Spring is that time of year that inspires me to write. I’m not sure if it’s the hope of warmer weather coming, or just knowing that something new is in the air. Maybe it’s that John Keats style of writing that I melt for. I live for that flowery description stuff. I could live forever in a moment, describing, writing, how it feels, what it looks like, really breathe in my surroundings.

Writing nourishes my soul. It allows me to breath. I’ve learned to constantly improve on my writing by never stopping. I wrote a book very young, and yes, it may never be read by millions, or even a couple thousand, but it gives myself hope. For me. It’s for me that I write. To inspire myself to improve and live happily. I no longer write for a professor, or grade. I no longer need to follow the rules. I begin my sentences with a preposition sometimes, and may not always use a comma. I write how I would speak at times, and that’s okay. That’s what makes us different, it gives us a voice. It gives me a voice.

With spring in the air, and my second novel 75% complete, I’m welcoming in a beautiful spring and all its inspiration floating at the wings. It’s time to write poems again, and capture the fresh blooms, and share my inspirational journey with you. A romance is swirling around my rose-colored world, and I’m excited, to new beginnings.

My Kinda Vintage…

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Many close to me know that I’ve had sciatica pain throughout my whole life. I hate to admit it because it makes me feel weak, like my spine is not as strong as normal people. But I cannot help it. I went to the doctor the other day complaining about my leg, knowing very well what he would tell me and he recommended proper physical therapy to me. Wow, now I really feel weak…and just as stubborn as a man. Me? Physical therapy? I’ve always carried more than I could handle, and you could take that both ways.

As a young girl, I was always changing my room around-interior decor was my thing. To this day, I’m still moving things around in my apartment-trying to get it just right. But the thing is, all those years and to this day, moving things around and carrying more than I could handle did this to me. A bulged disk…something that will never go away. Of course with physical therapy I could strengthen my spine and make the load less painful.

I learned the proper technique to Pilates in college when I took a class down the street at the Pilates studio. It’s all about breathing. When to breath in and breath out. I had the nicest instructor ever, and when the final came and I had to memorize all 25 sets and perform, I felt like a pro acing it. I don’t remember having sciatica pain during that semester. But that’s just the thing of everything. I have to keep up with it. I love it, but how can I find time working 40 hours a week after college? It’s my weakness.

Why is it that all the things we have to do get in the way with all the things we want to do? I’m finding after college to be an even harder journey discovering how to get there. A lost feeling invades me almost daily. What is there after college? It’s almost a let down to be honest.

Throughout everything that goes on in my modern life, light sheds hope every once in a while…leading me along, slowly. A feeling of that like a sunflower constantly facing the sun…the light. When I went in for this sciatica pain, I stopped at the book store, one of my favorite places. The coffee brewing, thousands upon thousands of new and old, signed and used books. It’s everything like the sun.

After looking over and over again in what seemed like the same spot, even going back to the isle twice, I finally found it. A collection of John Keats Poems and work. The feeling of satisfaction swept over me leaving me feeling awaken. His work has inspired me in my writing to such an extreme. The vintage, the Nature, the romance. It’s all too lovely to take.

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I now have his work at my bedside, inspiring me and reminding me to never lose hope on things that I want because…what is more soothing than a pretty hummer? Family, love, springtime, flowers, hummingbirds at my feeder, writing, and inspiration are my kinda vintage. I cannot hope to lose pain forever in one session, because without pain I cannot know what happiness is. I know what pain is-now it’s time to feel happiness.

 

What Are You Reading This Valentine’s Day?

In order to write, one has to learn how to read. If one wants to write romance, then one must read romance, or some would argue one must experience to know. I read not only to learn the skill of writing but also, I enjoy going into another world my mind creates from words on antique paper. Books take me on a journey. Not only to where the author has gone, but also to where I want to go next. I ask myself, what do I really like about this book? How can I combine these likes into my own writing? If you are a writer, you may experience this outlook for guidance. We look to our history to know where we want to go. It brings new ideas and prevents the bad ones from repeating themselves…even in writing.

I look back further to John Keats and wonder what so many saw in his work. I personally can easily pick out what I love about this Romantic’s work, but what interests me most is what I can take away from his poems of love for Nature and women. I can carry it with me throughout all my writing. I too love Nature and romance. I have discovered my writing style to be descriptive, I love describing things of Nature…who knew!

So as a writer, what am I reading leading up to Valentine’s Day? It may surprise many of you, but I have paired my typical “Sweet Surprise Collection” with…wait for it…Fifty Shades of Grey.

What? Some of you might be thinking, oh it’s terrible writing, while others might think, been there done that. Whether we like it or not, it is soon to be a major motion film…when? Valentine’s Day! As a writer, I ask myself this…if so many say the writing is horrible, why is it a number one seller? There must be something good in the writing besides sex…right? Or, does sex sell?

So far, I’ve discovered a love story flaming to begin. The writing is a distraction at times when a mistake is so easily noticed, but I find myself forgiving the author based solely on how intrigued I’ve become with Mr. Grey and Miss Anastasia Steele. The love story is fascinating as of now. I am almost done with the first novel, and I’ll see to reading the second and third.

Why read such a novel? One reason…the people like it! Heck, I like it! Sometimes in writing it’s not about perfecting grammar and all that comes with it. You have to intrigue your audience. Fifty Shades of Grey is doing just that. Romance writing has many twists and turns, and learning what people like is a huge help. Am I excited to see the movie? Oh, yes. Well, I’m off to romance land in both my reading and writing…enjoyment and work.

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