Explosions…a song of harmony.

I sat for four minutes and four seconds. Eyes closed, emotions drained. I let the all too familiar song rush through my ears, inviting and leaving them vulnerable to the sweet harmony. Explosions. The song responsible for my turning point. I played it on repeat one too many times. Felt the pain in the singer’s voice a time or two.11357557_1445035605804877_350872371_n1

A familiar song, my song, so dangerously takes me back to the time when I was strong. To the time when I wrote without a care. To the time when I wrote- Now, unheard thoughts rush through my mind, demanding “what if you don’t” and find myself conforming to the world like an envelope sealed and sent to only the receiver. I simply won’t have it anymore.

A strong woman I once was. A heart filled with empathy and hopeful possibilities of “what if you do” and a pocket filled with Grandma’s sunshine. The real world may change me, but not my wild heart and natural born tenderness. I do not give in as easily. Are there others like me? Who still believe in possibilities? Who believe in that one true love. I believe there are others. Others that are creative enough to follow their own journey. Others who consume the knowledge and admit their pleasures.

Four minutes and four seconds led me to the fourth charm. This idea that there are usually only three charms to every bracelet, but there’s always that fourth charm. It’s imaginary you might say. A child-like thought like fairy dust at the window when the Tooth fairy visits. The fourth charm is that intuition. That voice inside every one exploding with truth. That’s why the title of my first novel is The Fourth Charm. Not only does it fit in perfectly with the story line, but perhaps it also reveals my thoughts, reveals what I truly want to explore. Those four minutes and four seconds explode all the pain, the pleasures and the journey of life. Explosions reminds me to balance my life in perfect harmony. It reminds me to stay strong and to keep writing on…

“Explosions” (by a hopeless romantic)


Love. It is truly explosions whether it works or not. We cannot help who we fall in love with, just like Romeo and Juliet couldn’t be apart. They longed to see each other again, to feel those explosions. Love just happens. It is like an explosion. Sometimes, it blows up in our face unexpectedly. Other times, it’s magical and we hold on to it forever. Either way, when you love someone, you will love them forever, unconditionally, even if it does not work out. Some other time in some other world may it work out, but love, love is always LOVE.

Ellie Goulding’s song, “Explosions” is beautiful, and these are the explosions I am referring to. Explosions are the things that bind us to someone we love. They are the times we’ve had, the times we cannot forget, and/or the times we always think about. Maybe your hand only fits perfectly into that other person’s hand. Maybe the only shoulder that’s sturdy enough is that person’s. Whatever it is, that connection, that love, it is an explosion binding you to that person. When it’s love, you know it’s love. Love is not simply telling someone “I love you.” You will know this if you break up with someone and a month later you completely forget they live on the same earth as you. That is not love. Love is where you love them always, even if they’ve moved on. Like I said, sometimes it works out in our lifetime, but sometimes it does not.

Many might think, if it is love, it must work, or it has to work. This just simply is not true. Take for example my parents. Divorced, but will always love each other. There are just too many explosions, and I’ve heard them still, to this day, say they will always love each other. When I hear this, though, it makes me sad, yet happy. Happy they found those explosions, yet sad they could not keep them going. But that’s what love is. It’s not perfect! But sometimes, we can hold on to it. Maybe for ten years, maybe for fifty, where we are by their sides till the day we die. We have to be grateful for the time we’ve had, accepting those explosions like a tattoo on our heart. You wear them forever. They bind to us.

That is the kind of love I hope for. The kind of love I have, and will always hold on to. And if all of this sounds confusing, then you truly get it! That’s what love is…take for instance all of our favorite love stories…were they not all confusing? And let’s be honest…Romeo and Juliet did NOT have a happy ending, where they walked off into the sunset together with an infinite amount of time. Neither did my parents, neither did John Keats and Fanny, Noah and Ally in The Notebook, and what about the lovers in P.S. I Love You? What I’m saying is, maybe the EXPLOSIONS are more important then LOVE itself. Explosions stay with us forever, a piece of that love we can always hold on to, even when the other person may be gone. So even though all endings may not be two lovers walking together in the sunset with infinite time, at least we all can have explosions to go off into the sunset with, never alone.