Love, life, and happiness…

You can define it. You can even describe it. But, how do you actually feel love, life, and happiness? And how do you know you are in love and living life with happiness? To answer that, it all comes from
the heart. A part of us that we can see deep within the iris, like sparks between young love. aa2b57f7-2c82-4a28-8ec0-54793c8f37a8_zps28238790You feel it inside. To know what love is, one must know hate. To know what life is, one must know death. And finally, to know happiness, one must know sadness.

Some of the most inspiring people I know have gone through loss, have lived through times of sadness, and yes, lost love. My grandma, the most inspiring person I know is one of these special people. She had a young love many, many years ago. She still talks of him, the love of her life.

He was working in Illinois when she was living in Wisconsin. He was tall, dark, and handsome with the kindest heart is how she describes my grandpa to me. One day, she found out she was pregnant and like many at that time marriage soon followed.

The day they were married, he was to meet her in Wisconsin. The whole time she waited, months, her mother said he won’t show up, “he’s not coming.” She told her mom that he would be there, and she believed in him. She loves him still as he is gone. The day they were to get married, he was five minutes late, “I forgot the ring and had to go back.” They got married and had five children. My mom was the baby.

But, something happened. Something terrible happened. A furnace blew up while he was working on it in the house. The burns were so bad, that they took my grandma’s love from her and left her with their five children. Sadness.

Today, my grandma is the most inspiring woman I know. How? She’s gone through a lot and has learned that love lives on. It lives on in all of us. She is a special person because throughout all the sadness, she remains happy-grateful for the time she had with him. To know happiness, one must know sadness. She is one of the happiest people I know. She’s grateful for the happy memories she had with him, her love.

I think that’s what happiness and living is about. Cherishing the precious moments you can hold onto for a lifetime. He may be gone, but he is forever in my grandma’s heart. I know he is watching over her from heaven.

When she talks of him today, and I see those beautiful pictures from the past, her eyes always light up. Life, to me, is defined by the love we carry with us and the happiness that those loved ones and memories bring us. Love will always live on and I’ve learned to hold onto moments, moments with the love of my life. I know happiness, because I know what sadness is. The faster we learn to be grateful and love, the happier our lives will be.

The night before life goes on…

There are ups, there are downs…but life continues like a roller coaster, a thrill, a scare, a great adventure. The more we ride along, the more we learn to enjoy, let loose and raise our hands in the air without a care. Nothing will ever go as we expected. Sometimes, just sometimes, it might go a little better. And those sometimes are as sweet as biting into a fresh summer strawberry.

Life. Breathe in, breathe out. Smile and go to work. Get home and enjoy the company of loved ones. Life is beautiful, life is sweet. Life is continuous…until it isn’t. But until that end, life goes on. We have to grab hold of our lives and love all the flaws that come with it.

This is how define life.

Some may say that I see life through rose colored glasses, that I’m a hopeless romantic and find beauty and meaning in everything.  And I do. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. When one thing knocks me down, I don’t cry about it. Instead, I see it as a sign that something better will come along. And usually it does.

Recently, I’ve graduated from college. I now hold a Bachelors of Science degree. Do I feel any smarter than a week ago? Probably. I had along side me, my boyfriend of now almost five years. When we moved in together to share an apartment after three years of dating, I thought that life didn’t get better than that. I had the love of my life, a bright future ahead of me, and my own space. But now that graduation is over, I’ve written a book, and I’m weeks away from moving into a bigger loft apartment with my love, I know that life just keeps getting better if you let it.

Boxes upon boxes lay sprawled out in my small downtown apartment, blocks away from the University. It’s the night before life goes on. Remember how I said life continues and how life has ups and downs? Well, tomorrow my boyfriend and I go back to our hometown and start work. We both must wait two weeks before our new apartment is ready for us. This is the point in time where I’m down near the bottom of that roller coaster, waiting and waiting to see the top. I want to be at the top and see that sweet summer horizon.

Until then, for two weeks, I stay with my Dad. Ironically, my second book is all about the summer my main character, Emma, spends with her Dad. Coincidence? Maybe. Life is full of surprises. And..there’s so much to be grateful for. The night before life goes on, I ponder on this poem I wrote years ago and found just today while rummaging through my old boxes…ironically it’s titled “Life.”

Someday. This day. Our day.

Life

Someday my heart won’t be beating anymore.

Someday I won’t have the courage to scream.

Someday I will grow old, as all of these people do.

Someday my life will be gone.

Someday we can all look on.

It is some day that makes us grateful for this day.

This day we shall never look back and regret.

This day we should carry on.

This day we should follow our hearts.

This day we should follow and lead and grow.

This day is our day.

Our day is our life.

Here, I stand. I’ve reached the break in the woods and see the other forests, the other challenges I can journey to and try. Life is continuous. Life must be carried on. What I’ve learned thus far is that life is the following, leading, and the growth in all of us. Whether we are following our loved ones, or just following our hearts. We all have a steady beating we call life. It’s the beating in our hearts. The night before life goes on, I remember this. I remember those four years of college, and all the wonderful memories. I carry on, following, leading, and most importantly, growing, because life is continuous. Life is a roller coaster, and I’m enjoying the ride.

Where Our Love Takes Us…

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This quote is that like my love. It is two people coming from different directions, and yet meeting where it’s important. For almost five years now, Henry and I have been together, and there’s so much to look forward to with our future. For three summers I drove across this bridge to see the love of my life, and he did the same. We were both going to different schools, and yet twice a week we’d drive to see each other and every weekend was filled with dates in the city.

I guess when you love someone, you always make time for them. It was hard at times because as soon as I graduated high school, I went to the closest university, the one Henry went to also, but on my first day there, he transferred to another bigger university. He had to in order to take the classes he needed.

So another two years went by that way. When we made it through that, still running like crazy teenagers to see each other, I knew he was the one for me. The one I will always fight for and will always want to be with. By the time I had to transfer to another bigger university, I decided to follow Henry and move way farther north, so we could start a life together. After three years of dating, we moved into our first apartment together and started fall semester together as well. Walking to class with him and getting back home to see him was amazing and still is!

It’s truly having the most important thing with you at all times, like a pocket full of sunshine. Now that another two years have gone by, and we are approaching five years in just a few months, we have yet to decide where our love will take us again. Spring is coming and so is graduation. The one thing we do know is that the next chapter in our lives, after our five years of being in love, will be together, always. Our love will always remain like this sturdy bridge, strong, beautiful, and takes us to another place where it truly matters.

“Explosions” (by a hopeless romantic)

 

Love. It is truly explosions whether it works or not. We cannot help who we fall in love with, just like Romeo and Juliet couldn’t be apart. They longed to see each other again, to feel those explosions. Love just happens. It is like an explosion. Sometimes, it blows up in our face unexpectedly. Other times, it’s magical and we hold on to it forever. Either way, when you love someone, you will love them forever, unconditionally, even if it does not work out. Some other time in some other world may it work out, but love, love is always LOVE.

Ellie Goulding’s song, “Explosions” is beautiful, and these are the explosions I am referring to. Explosions are the things that bind us to someone we love. They are the times we’ve had, the times we cannot forget, and/or the times we always think about. Maybe your hand only fits perfectly into that other person’s hand. Maybe the only shoulder that’s sturdy enough is that person’s. Whatever it is, that connection, that love, it is an explosion binding you to that person. When it’s love, you know it’s love. Love is not simply telling someone “I love you.” You will know this if you break up with someone and a month later you completely forget they live on the same earth as you. That is not love. Love is where you love them always, even if they’ve moved on. Like I said, sometimes it works out in our lifetime, but sometimes it does not.

Many might think, if it is love, it must work, or it has to work. This just simply is not true. Take for example my parents. Divorced, but will always love each other. There are just too many explosions, and I’ve heard them still, to this day, say they will always love each other. When I hear this, though, it makes me sad, yet happy. Happy they found those explosions, yet sad they could not keep them going. But that’s what love is. It’s not perfect! But sometimes, we can hold on to it. Maybe for ten years, maybe for fifty, where we are by their sides till the day we die. We have to be grateful for the time we’ve had, accepting those explosions like a tattoo on our heart. You wear them forever. They bind to us.

That is the kind of love I hope for. The kind of love I have, and will always hold on to. And if all of this sounds confusing, then you truly get it! That’s what love is…take for instance all of our favorite love stories…were they not all confusing? And let’s be honest…Romeo and Juliet did NOT have a happy ending, where they walked off into the sunset together with an infinite amount of time. Neither did my parents, neither did John Keats and Fanny, Noah and Ally in The Notebook, and what about the lovers in P.S. I Love You? What I’m saying is, maybe the EXPLOSIONS are more important then LOVE itself. Explosions stay with us forever, a piece of that love we can always hold on to, even when the other person may be gone. So even though all endings may not be two lovers walking together in the sunset with infinite time, at least we all can have explosions to go off into the sunset with, never alone.